a (newsletter) is born
Welcome to the inaugural edition of my new author newsletter! For more info on what this newsletter is, see the about page. For more info on who I am, check out my website.
Okay, so January. Let’s dive in.
it took me 8 years but I finally read Gone Girl and OMG
Earlier this month I saw a book deal announcement for P. J. Vernon’s Bath Haus — a forthcoming thriller from Doubleday pitched loosely as a gay Gone Girl. I know, right?! I was sold immediately and wished I could fast-forward a year to its publication.
This got me thinking about the original Gone Girl, which I suddenly realized I had never actually read myself. I just always felt like I had read it. (Probably because it was such a huge cultural phenomenon in its day. And also I had seen the movie.)
So I picked up a copy at B&N last week — the mass market paperback edition, which, I just love a good mass market paperback, don’t you? — and OMG. I devoured it. All the hype was warranted!
I usually appreciate commercial thrillers for their plots alone, but what I love about Gone Girl is the strength of the writing itself — so engaging, clever, sharp. I was worried that my memory of the movie (and it’s big twist) might’ve ruined it for me, but no. I was obsessed with this book at the sentence-level. I won’t say anything more because a) you’ve probably already read it anyway, and b) if you haven’t then all you need to know is that you must. Gillian Flynn is a treasure and I can’t wait to now go back and read Sharp Objects and Dark Places. (If you’re a Flynn fan, please feel free to reply to this email and tell me which one I should read first!)
FYI salmon steaks are a fucking abomination
Before I get into the Salmon Steak Debacle of 2020, first let me take a moment to praise the invention of the nonstick grill pan. For too many years, I dismissed grill pans with a blasé shrug. What’s the point? Can’t be nearly as good as an actual grill. But you know what? I was wrong! My boyfriend Graig and I finally got one this month, and it is nearly as good as an actual grill. A dinnertime godsend! (Disclaimer: Our stove is gas, so I can’t comment on the performance of a grill pan on electric burners.)
Anyway. Graig basically has the palate of a nine-year-old boy at a little league pizza party, so he’s always been opposed to the idea of me cooking any fish for dinner other than — randomly — tilapia. But a few weeks ago he did some self-reflection and said, “You know what? In 2020 I will open my heart to the possibility of salmon.” Progress!
So that weekend I went to the Stop & Shop fish counter and asked the seafood manager (whose last name happens to be “Fisher,” I’m dead serious, there’s not even a “C” in there!!!) for two portioned salmon filets. But then I glanced down and saw these meaty salmon steaks just chilling at the bottom of the window. They looked like something a wealthy white woman with a big kitchen island might prepare for dinner. Sophisticated! I envisioned them sizzling on our new grill pan — all seasoned and juicy — and decided I had to have them. “Actually,” I told Ms. Fisher. “Make that two salmon steaks instead.” Never mind the fact that I had never made salmon steak before. I just figured I’d treat it like an extra-thick filet (or look up a recipe or something).
Fast-forward to the next evening when I go to prep them and quickly discover that salmon steaks have bones! And not just, like, a bone here, a bone there — the bones were everywhere. Little thin ones! Little thick ones! Sticking out the side, lurking just beneath the flesh, barely visible to the naked eye, strewn throughout the fish like some kind of fucked up funfetti. It was total madness! Also, the timing was painfully poetic, as a key character in Gone Girl happens to be named Detective Rhonda Boney.
So I Googled “how to debone salmon steak.” And, lol. Turns out it’s basically impossible without a surgical clamp or special fish tweezers. Seriously! So then I decided to sanitize a pair of old eyebrow tweezers (via Dawn and an actual flame, a la Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap) and started tweezing our fucking dinner. But those bitches were so stubborn! I only managed to get, like, three bones out of one steak — completely shredding it in the process — before I was like, Yeah, this is not a normal thing to be doing, and trashed them both. We had pork chops instead.
(The following week, I got normal filets and they were amazing on the grill pan. Graig is a huge salmon fan now.)
*Cher voice* what’s going on with my writing career
I was in a book that came out on January 7th! You Too? (edited by the fabulous Janet Gurtler) is a YA-geared collection of essays from 25 authors reflecting on their personal experiences with rape culture. Dark shit, yes. I was conflicted when approached for this project, but I ultimately felt like it could be a valuable opportunity to reach any (gay) teens who may be struggling with the same issues I did all those years ago. So I chose to write about a murky, complicated high school experience — in which the primary villain was simply my own internalized body shame. My story along with the 24 other essays makes for a very uncomfortable and infuriating read, but I think the book will be a great resource for teens, parents, and adults as the #MeToo era continues into a new decade. It’s available in hardcover, ebook, and audio if you’re interested in checking it out.
As for my novel (Burn It the F*** Down, out next year from Little, Brown!) — right now I’m still in the throes of editing with my publisher. The book has already come so far (and gotten so much better!!!) since we inked the deal last year; I can’t wait to see how it evolves in these final months of the process. (Am I also somewhat freaked out by the knowledge that later this year it’ll be final-final and I’ll no longer be able to tinker and tweak? Yes. OMG. WHY DID YOU BRING THAT UP?)
Also! I spent a little bit of time this month researching and outlining for my next novel — and OMG. I’m so excited to start writing it. It’s going to be sdklajgkl;ajsdg;kladjsg SO GOOD (I mean, I hope).
TY for reading!!!
That’s a wrap on my first newsletter! I didn’t expect to spend so much time ranting about salmon steaks, but thank you for joining me on the journey. If you enjoyed this, please feel free to recommend it to a friend. If you hated it, please feel free to reply directly to this email with an explanation of why I’m a total dumbass for attempting that whole tweezer thing.
Nic