I'm looking forward to looking back on these days
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! I hope this edition of my monthly author newsletter finds you safe, sane, and healthy. For more info on what this newsletter is, see the about page. For more info on who I am, check out my website.
Soooooooo March. It was a joyful and pleasant month.
Ha, ha. Kidding! It was a fucking hellscape. In the immortal words of Mandy Moore on her criminally underrated 2007 album Wild Hope, I’m looking forward to looking back on these days. Seriously. I can’t wait to just be like, “OMG remember that time we literally lived through the movie Contagion? It was totally nuts. All the Zoom conferencing, cabin fever, and tiger drama. I hope Carole Baskin is doing well. Anyway! Can you pass the guac? Also, I’ll take another jalapeño margarita. And a refill on the chips basket! Mmm. These fajitas are delish.” That’s right. I’ll be talking to a Chili’s server and it will be a dine-in conversation, laced with an overwhelming sense of newfound appreciation for the simple pleasure of just being out.
I suppose I should begin with a quarantine dispatch
First of all, I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that I’m extremely grateful for how mild this experience has been for me so far. All I’ve really had to deal with is a cancelled Vegas birthday trip, depleted inventory at my local Stop & Shop, and the Quarantine Week 2 saga that you’ll learn about after this paragraph. The situation is obviously a lot more serious for so many people right now, and my thoughts are with all of them. I pray this storm passes as soon as possible.
So. My boyfriend Graig and I have been quarantining for three weeks now. The first week was a surreal transition from normal life, but we managed to adjust. The third week—which included my birthday—was actually kind of quaint. But oh my god, the second week. THE SECOND WEEK. The second week was a harrowing shitshow.
It started with a water main break in our neighborhood that left us without running water for an entire day.
Allow me to repeat. We had no running water! For an entire day! WHILST QUARANTINED DURING A PANDEMIC IN WHICH HAND-WASHING AND GENERAL HYGIENE ARE PARAMOUNT TO AID IN THE PREVENTION OF THIS UNPRECEDENTED FUCKING BAT PLAGUE!!! Honestly? It was Lord of the Flies in our apartment on that fateful Tuesday. I literally had to cook with SmartWater. Okay; not exactly like Lord of the Flies. But still. Let’s not talk about the experience of having to ration one’s single remaining toilet flush for ten hours in a household where both partners are known to drink several gallons of b̶o̶x̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶e̶ healthy fluids on any given day.
Thankfully, our water finally came back at around seven o’clock that evening. We emerged from the experience with a renewed sense of gratitude for the modern marvel that is the public water system.
But then!
Two days later, our living room TV broke. Like, it just wouldn’t turn on. I unplugged and replugged that bitch for hours—and tried a zillion troubleshooting tips from Google—but nothing. It just crapped out on us. Of all the possible days for a TV to randomly die… it chose a Quaranthursday. Graig was weirdly zen about the whole thing, but I quickly unraveled. Because, like, how does one procure a new 60-inch TV in the midst of a global pandemic? I can’t even get my hands on a can of unsalted crushed tomatoes!
As it turns out, my hysteria was unwarranted. We online-ordered a new TV from Best Buy the next morning and selected the “curbside pickup” option. An hour later we pulled into the parking lot, where a store associate loaded it right into our trunk/backseat with zero physical contact. The service was a godsend. Especially because it enabled me to watch The Bridges of Madison County for the first time ever the next day, and oh my god—what a tearjerking story of family, love, sacrifice, lust, and passion! Meryl Streep at her finest! And you know what? Clint Eastwood was a snack in 1995. Don’t @ me.
you’d think being quarantined would have led me to read a zillion books by now… but you’d be wrong
There seems to be this idea that being quarantined has resulted in copious amounts of new free time for everyone, but… I feel like that’s total bullshit? If anything, I’ve been feeling like I have less free time. Maybe it’s because I’m sleeping later and my days aren’t as structured as they normally are. Or maybe it’s the constant hum of anxiety this pandemic has created in my mind. Perhaps Joe Exotic and the motley crew profiled in Netflix’s Tiger King also have something to do with it. Who’s to say?
But I am about two-thirds into my current read, which I’m really enjoying: My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. It just came out this month, but I first heard about it way back in December 2018. At the time, I had recently joined a Facebook group for authors whose books are “on submission” to publishers, and Russell was one of the first members who posted an actual success story. (As opposed to the rest of us, who were constantly whining about rejections and wait times.) I was slightly inspired by her announcement but mostly crippled with envy, because not only was she sharing news of a book deal, but it was a major book deal—with advance praise from Stephen King! I wish I’d known back then that by the time her book came out, I’d have a deal (with advance praise from a blockbuster author) of my own! I would have been so much less of a jealous bitch. There is truly room for us all.
So anyway. My Dark Vanessa is a beautifully written, somber story about a seriously fucked up relationship between a high school student (the titular Vanessa) and her 40-something English teacher. It’s all very Lolita (there are references aplenty), but from the perspective of the victim. The narrative switches between teen-Vanessa telling the story of the relationship—which she believed was consensual and equal—and adult-Vanessa reflecting on it several years later, slowly realizing that what happened to her was actually abuse. Like the title suggests, it’s dark. But it’s also very honest and raw and sadly relatable (even if you’ve never actually hooked up with your English teacher), which is why I can’t stop reading and can’t wait to see how it ends.
PLEASE consider buying some books right now!
There’s basically nothing new to report on the status of my book—Burn It the F*** Down, out in May 2021 from Little, Brown!—but I do want to acknowledge that the publishing world (like all industries) is of course being affected by the health crisis. I have faith it will eventually bounce back stronger than ever, but this New York Times article pretty much sums up the gist of what’s going on right now.
My thoughts are especially with all the authors (especially debut authors) who have books coming out during this time. Between bookstores temporarily closing, events being cancelled, and our current hellish news cycle—the climate is less than ideal for book promotion. So if you’re a book lover with the means to do so, now is most definitely the time to support your favorite indie bookstore and/or Barnes & Noble with lots of online orders.
thank you for reading!!!
If you enjoyed this, please feel free to recommend it to a friend. If you hated it, then click here to subscribe to Carole Baskin’s global Big Cat Rescue newsletter—the Big Cat Times—instead.
Nic